How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
