somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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