would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
