He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
