Kiss
Puke
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
