we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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