based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
