i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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