i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
