PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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