I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Michael Bay diarrhea
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
