Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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