I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
