Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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