My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Quick, to the slutcave!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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