He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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