I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
