I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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