allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
