The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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