I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
