Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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