i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
