Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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