When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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