:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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