Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
im holly from the hills drunk
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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