: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
