ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
