I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
