Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
