there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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