Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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