I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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