Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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