so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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