last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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