I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize