you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My liver is preforming stress tests.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
