I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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