have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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