The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
