I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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