Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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