I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
