sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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