Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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