i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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