Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The adults are the big ones right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
