Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
