This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
