apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
