Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
