Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize