we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
