I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
