Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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