I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
