First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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