i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
