He uses pillows to masturbate.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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