I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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