Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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