Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize