Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
