you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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