I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
ok first of all what the fuck
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
