don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
