So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
