The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i out mim tonsoeep
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