I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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