You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
