Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
