I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
